So the other day I was browsing through Bitch magazine's newest blog entries when I came across a article about a situation that many of you may be familiar with; it was about a woman selling her virginity over the Internet. Click the title of this post if you would like to read the article for yourself. Anyway, the article got me to start analyzing virginity..
*Virgin-someone who has not had sex. Instead of using definitions that dictionaries use, I like to use the definition that society uses. Though it can be argued that those are the worst kind of definitions, lets use this particular definition for purpose of this blog. *Element of Possession-Just the fact that a person must "give" away their virginity bothers me. Womyn in this patriarchal, homophobic society are always expected to give a man something in the context of a hetero-normative relationship. We "give" a man a child. We save our virginity so that we can "give" it to "the one". When is the last time you heard about a man "giving" a woman his virginity? Usually when people are referring a man "giving" his virginity to a woman, they are usually BOTH virgins in the situation or we refer to the man giving his virginity as "loosing" his virginity to that woman. Yes, we do use the term "loosing" to also refer to a woman having sex for the first time, but much less often than with men in the same situation. If its the same situation, why can't we use the same terminology? Why are their sexist roles involved in sex? Can't sex be something that is uninhibited by the confines of society? Why must a woman feel burdened by the need to please a man in a sexual way; fallacio, doing degrading things, all to keep him around or to make things go further than the bedroom?
*Men "take" a womyn's virginity, which involves a implied situation of coercion and force. Take is synonymous with rape. Take is synonymous with "take advantage of". Take is synonymous with a woman lying there dormant, while the man does all the work. And what happens after a man so-called "takes" a woman's virginity? Does he still have that virginity for the rest of his life? No one ever says, "he has your virginity". I think the whole "give and take and loose" politics of virginity is a manifestation of the objectification of women and our bodies and the fact that sex is treated as a commodity. Sex is used to sell everything from movies to shelf products. Sex is also used to make womyn feel bad about themselves, men are allowed to be sexual whenever the feeling suits them and womyn are not and if we are, we are harped upon. If they have sex again, does the woman get her virginity back? If you "loose" your virginity does that mean you can't remember the guy that you "lost" it to? Does the man pass that woman's virginity on to other girls? And how many "virginties" do trans people get? Is a person still a virgin if they have sex with a member of their own sex? Why does virginity never come into the situation again after it is given, taken, or lost? Why can't we "share" in a person's virginity? Better yet, why can't the idea of virginity and America's obsession with it just die? Why must a woman feel guilty or inhibited when it comes to having sex for the first time, when a man is encouraged to have sex with the first opportunity presents itself?
*In the culture that this society perpetuates, the man must always be the aggressor in relationships and sexual happenings. The man must always make the first move. Virginity is synonymous with pure. Pure is synonymous with child. A man that is turned on by the fact that a woman is a virgin; by naked vaginas, screaming womyn, inexperienced bodies, obviously has some type of pedophilia in him. This can be traced back to the pedophilia of early Greek culture. Womyn wait for a man that is turned on by the fact that she is a virgin, a man that needs to dominant and possessive and needs a woman to be submissive. During the act of sex, womyn are expected to scream, squeal, and have dainty bodies that can be turned and tossed. Or we are expected to lay quietly while the man does his business, with no help or interaction from us. Maybe this comes from the fact that it physically hurts a woman to have sex for the first time, which is not true for a man. Because of this its seems as if a man holds supreme power in the sexual experience, whether he can be gentle or abusive to the woman, but either way he is inflicting pain onto her. Does it feel better to have sex with a virgin? A virgin is less apt to be sexually aware(making a man wear a condom, noticing the signs of sexually transmitted diseases), dominant, and know when a man is disrespecting her(ejaculating before she gets her pleasure, etc.).
*In our culture, sex is taboo. It is seen as a right of passage, a defining moment in our lives that will bring about some drastic change. Little girls are taught to dream about the moment that they will have sex for the first time and with whom.
*What if you were raped before you had the chance to willingly have sex for the first time, are you still considered a virgin?
*A person seems to be "used goods" after they have sex for the first time. After you have sex for the first time are you just not as sexually pleasing?
Someone please tell what the fuck's up with virginity?!
*cross posted at hiphopcheerleader*
B-Word Worldwide is a nonprofit (501c3), independent, feminist media organization best known for publishing Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture, a print magazine devoted to feminist analysis and media criticism. Bitch features critiques of TV, movies, magazines, advertising, and other elements of pop culture. We also interview feminist pop culture makers, review new books and music, and lots more. We're in the process of evolving into a multimedia organization, starting with this very website.
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